Archive — Daniel Blackaby
28 Aug
Diet Coke Will Be the Death of Him…
My dad only spends money on the absolute, basic necessities for survival. For this reason, when I entered our basement and beheld a brand-new pool table, I was convinced he’d gone crazy. (I also discovered a pair of blue-flame rimmed sunglasses and a blown speaker in his car. I rest my case.) He adored his new purchase, and laws were quickly dictated:
GOLDEN RULE: Thou shall not have food/drink near pool table.
22 Aug
Too Late for Swimming Lessons?
My father once posed a troubling question, “Daniel, think it’s time to get a part-time job?”
Shrugging lazily I responded, “I think I’ll just skip the menial work and head straight to upper management.”
However, a previous childhood experience should have reminded me how unlikely that would be.
31 Jul
AB…D? Please Don’t Fire Me
When you’re like me, lazy and terminally useless, there are few things in life as humbling as filling out a job application:
Name: Daniel R. Blackaby
Previous Work Experience: Every journey starts with a first small step…
Talents/abilities: N/A
25 Jul
I Don’t Feel So Good…
As most guys do, I continually seek to maintain a fairly high score on the macho-o-meter (although the fact that I’m only five foot six and embarrassingly scrawny doesn’t help matters). I like to give off the impression that I’m a pretty strong guy who’s got things together. However, these masculine ideals were tossed out the window last week when I caught a virus and completely self-destructed.
15 Jul
Putting The ‘Pig’ In Pigskin
The anxious crowd rose to their feet in hushed anticipation. The perfectly spiraled football soared over the field in a majestic arch. A titanic duel between rival teams had come down to an epic finish. Trailing by one, mere seconds to play, our quarterback had heroically marched his soldiers down field with pin-point precision and clutch execution. Staring at the end zone and an improbable win, it was all-or-nothing time…It was Daniel time…
10 Jul
Running Club Inc.
I’m not exactly renowned for being someone who makes “health-conscious” choices. This character flaw traces back to my childhood. As babies, my brother and sister crawled—I rolled. Perhaps this was due to my cheeks, which served as constant anchors, dragging two or three feet along the floor behind me. This globular physique carried into teenage-years due to a growing addiction. When I was cut, I bled McDonald’s grease. After surpassing yet another ‘milestone’ in weight, I knew it was time for change. It was time for Running Club Inc.
25 Jun
My Teeth: A Tragic Tale – In Seven Acts
Recently I received notice from my dentist that I was past due for my annual checkup. Reluctantly, my younger sister Carrie and I booked appointments. We’ve had very different track records with our teeth. On one hand, Carrie’s never experienced a cavity. Having shared a sink since birth I’m painfully aware of why; athletes have completed Olympic triathlons in less time than she spends brushing. I, on the other hand, got about a one/per appointment ratio going. But this time I was determined things would be different.
23 Jun
To Nap, Or Not To Nap…Is There Really A Question?
Throughout history there have been many dynamic duos: Batman/Robin, Pinkie/The Brain, Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie. But the most deadly duo of all? My buddy Robbie and I. That’s deadly as in, “from the perspective of our camp counselors.” Oh yes, Rob and I terrorized many youth camps in our day. That is until the unthinkable happened, we got old.
17 Jun
It Shall Be a Duel…to the Death!
Basement cleaning day….the mere mention can send shivers down a spine. The year was 1994. The setting: a dimly lit basement. The scenario; a young boy, with his siblings, slaving away under the oppressing tyranny of their parents….I was that boy. This is my tale…
5 Jun
The Time I Almost Got Away With It…
Early on in school I developed an important philosophy. It goes as follows: School is not about how hard you work, it’s about how hard your teacher THINKS you worked. Yeah, just call me Aristotle. I spent years (and several detentions) perfecting this talent of mine. By the time seventh grade rolled around I was masterful. The amount of hours worked in comparison to the grades was something to be admired. I soon learned however, that even a great theory such as mine is not fail-proof.
Sitting at my desk daydreaming, I didn’t even notice my teacher start lecturing. One word violently dragged me back into reality, “Ok, let’s start PRESENTATIONS…”
